Gymdgement

You may be able to tell from some of what I'm willing to share about myself on the Internet that I am pretty difficult to embarrass. Rare is the situation where I am not able to freely crack jokes, be they weight related or otherwise. The one place that has made me truly uncomfortable after gaining so much weight is the gym.
It starts with the entrance and it's accompanying desk lackey waiting to scan your key-chain tag and allow you to enter. I consider it a good day when the scanner is pointed towards the door and nobody is at the desk, that's one gymdgemental stare that I can avert. Where to from here?
I stare at the shiny equipment and the gym denizens who all look like they could use a cheeseburger and think to myself 'Where is the wildebeest section?' My wife tells me that I need to do cardio first so I lumber upstairs to the long term torture devices. A sign on the wall reads "Please limit yourself to 30 minutes on the treadmill and elliptical machines if other members are waiting." Only because you asked so nice! Have you ever seen a 250+ lb guy try and jog on a treadmill? Have you ever heard one do it? I climb onto the machine of perpetual pain and embarrassment and press the buttons. Age: 27. Weight: 280lbs. A digital giggle is stifled by the treadmills readout screen. Workout type: Fat burn. I feel several pairs of eyes burn into me as I take the first steps. My mantra: Don't slip/fall of of the treadmill. Things are OK for the first minute, then the speed picks up. I'm listening to my music but a steady beat starts to rise in volume above it. Wondering what song the gym is playing over the speakers I take off my headset.
There is no song. The beat is me. My mass pounds mercilessly on the treadmill and the bass of the pounding echos throughout the gym. Curious weight lifters stop and look towards the treadmill to see what in the world is crashing to the ground repeatedly. All to aware of the disturbance I am causing I slow down my treadmill and climb off. Making sure to wipe off the prodigious amount of sweat I have left behind I seek my workout in other parts of the gym. My embarrassment follows. Stay tuned.