Sweating in Front of Strangers

There is a phenomenon going on out there in the world. It's something that pretty much everyone does, most of the time without meaning it. It's the fat face. No, I'm not talking about taking a picture where your face looks a little heavier than usual, I am talking about the face people make when seeing someone inordinately large or seeing an average fat person do something especially.... jiggly.

I'm a window seat man when it comes to airplanes. It does two things for me: 1) I get to see all of the sights that flight offers. 2) I can curl up (as small as a hippo can curl) and lean against the inside wall of the plane and try and get some sleep. Life is good when I get a window seat, although an aisle seat isn't that bad either. The middle seat in an airplane is where the joy of flight goes to die for the big 'n tall.

There I am, row 13 seat B getting ready for a 3 1/2 hour flight from Phoenix Arizona to Chicago Illinois. The person to my left is enjoying the majesty of the window seat by immediately falling asleep, which is the state he stays in for the duration of the flight. Good for him. The seat to my right is empty, but passengers are filing in and the words over the PA system echo in my ears 'Full flight'.

We immediately lock eyes the moment she passes the bulkhead separating first glass from us peasants. She knows the unoccupied seat next to me is hers, and I know she knows from her fat face. Her face was in a friendly but unintentional semi-smile as realization washed over her like a shower of dumpster water. A lip curled slightly, with a wrinkle of the nose and a furrow of the eyebrow. That was softened by a questioning look of pity. If there were no filter between her brain and her mouth she would have said "Did you know that you are massive? It looks like you are wearing that seat like a thong." Trust me sister, it feels like it. I created separation before she sat down by lowering the arms of my seat on each side. My handles were feeling less loved and more constrained by the metal hug those seat arms provided. That hug makes me look like those stress dolls when you squeeze the bottom part, upper body and head bulging everywhere, eyes and ears poking out of my head. As she daintily sat down she fat faced me again. Neato. Time to try and make friends.

"Hi name is Travis. I would like to begin this flight by apologizing for being as large as I am, I know it's not comfortable for any of us. I am going to do my best to keep my body in it's entirety within the confines of my seat. With as broad as my shoulders are and as fat as my everything else is that will be a challenge. If at any time I unknowingly invade your personal space, please let me know and I will adjust accordingly." That is the first thing that I said to my new seatmate. I figure if I made a self deprecating attempt at humor I could win her over and not get fat faced any more (it's a proven system that works.... usually). She looked at me with a look that clearly conveyed how shocked she was that I had just come out and said that. That look was not followed by the laugh I was hoping for. Instead she had a second dose of dumpster water. "Great." She says while I get a final fat face for good measure.

While being bigger gives me more to keep track of (you can't believe what it's done for my ability to multi-task) I do keep track of it. Dear world, I know what I look like, and while I don't like it, I can manage it. I say that because the looks I sometimes get are that of people wondering if I know. Yes, there is an elephant in the room, and it is me. I'm perfectly aware of this. Luckily I work with people who are forgiving of my physical foibles.

I sell tools to electrical contractors, which entails me handling tools that weigh a lot in front of an audience, usually outside. What that means is I meet someone and start sweating in front of them. A lot. I naturally run hot, add to that my weight and to that how hot it is outside and things get messy. My pores start working overtime. A contractor once handed me a bottle of water while I was in the middle of my presentation. He said "Watching you is making me feel dehydrated." We had a laugh. Yesterday a guy gave me a roll of paper towels to address my 'situation' with. I thanked him and did so, with more laughs. Fortunately, these guys have seen worse and so while I get the fat face, it's the fat face minus the disgust, which is nice. I tell them that my job is my summer weight loss program and we chuckle about it.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this with you, I just realized that this is a part of my life and that maybe others can relate in a way. We all have things that we are self conscious of, and we have experiences where those perceived shortcomings have clearly been annoying to some but hopefully we have more where those shortcomings are accepted. The fun thing for me is that I've been blessed with the ability to laugh whether or not people are laughing with me. I think this is the only thing that gets me through the fat faces and lets me sweat in front of strangers.